My daughter is getting married. I found out last night. I can't say that I was surprised, and I am happy for her and Josh. I was and still am kind of at a loss for words. I'm a little scared for her, because I know how hard being married can be, even if you have the most wonderfullest spouse on the planet. I don't feel like Im "letting go" because I feel like I "let go" a long time ago. I guess I am just hoping that I have been a good enough dad and Dawn a good enough mom that somehow that helps.
I find myself thinking about a lot of memories now. I guess I'm melancoly. I remember Darci's short modeling career. Her running down Cole Road barefoot on a snowy day as I drove back from the mall (she was looking for me). Her and Brian rolling out of the driveway in their car seats and backing into the neighboors tree across the street. Going to Moxie Java and hanging out. All the hikes and trips and swimming at the Greenwell Inn in Price.
The balloon ride on her 8th birthday. Going to Lagoon. Riding her bike. Riding in my backpack. Mall walking. Walking on the river parkway. Camping. The struggles in school. Trying to learn how to count money (quarters even!). Christmas in New Mexico when Santa Claus came. A closeness that grew slowly and gradually into a distance that became and still is uncomfortable.
I remember Easter in Bryce Canyon. The constant driving for Dawn back and forth to Tooele. The cloud factory. If you give a mouse a cookie. Getting her ears pierced, multiple times. Slumber parties with Bullfrogs and Butterflies. AWANA. All the coulda woulda shouldas that I didn't. How much Sami looked like Darci when they were very little. The surprise that she was coming in 9 months. How much she liked popcorn before she could really walk. The helpless feeling of watching her grow up.
I remember the Googies and the Googie Woods. I remember the trips out on the boat. I remember her doing the dishes (not very well). I remember her moving back to Kuna. I remember her hoarding food? I remember Dawn and you hiking out of Horseshoe Canyon.
I remember "Where the Sidewalk Ends." I remember feeling like I was going to explode trying to teach you how to read. I remember sledding in the snow, and hunting for Christmas trees. I remember telling you that "If I'm late, I'm dead."
I remember taking you trick or treating, and how it always seemed to rain and be super cold. I remember you going to San Francisco with Dawn, and how you felt like you were such big stuff then.
I remember you coloring Easter eggs and helping bake cookies. I remember feeling that you never had enough clothes or socks or underwear. I was glad that you weren't too trendy and didn't turn into a video game addict. I was glad when it turned out that you loved to read. I remember taking you to Pioneer Bible Camp. I remember taking you and the boys to Sonic Drive In. I remember showing you the Grand Canyon.
I remember you writting your name on the wall with a crayon. It was Dabic. And still is. I remember buying you a Bible, and hoping you would read it. I remember wishing you could live somewhere other than Kuna, and that your world could have been just a little bit bigger. I remember that doll that was so expensive and how the boys cut her hair. I remember you holding a really big snake and riding a roller coaster with me for your first time.
I remember "go for the gusto"
I remember always wondering what you think of me. I remember making many mistakes and hoping you didn't pick up or pick up on them. I remember how much love my mom had for you. I remember you in Tilley Time...ugh. I remember holding you in my arms when you were a baby and wondering how I could live up to this.
I remember not being able to teach you how to drive, or help you get your license. I remember the hand squeezing thing, 1234,123,12, SQUEEEEEZZZZ! I remember you graduating. Going to the circus and drag races (sorry I bored you). Lagoon day. I remember how blue your eyes were when you were little. And holding Zac in the hospital - my favorite picture.
I remember camping at Wasatch Mountain State Park and it snowed and the tent caved in. Then dressing up and riding the Heber Creeper. Spelling words and reading in the car, because we spent so much time there back and forth to school. And how, no matter what, you think I'm a great dad.
I remember having a little baby picture of you taped up on the register at the Orange Julius. I remember making dog food for you to eat one night, because you were always complaining about my gourmet meals. And teaching you how to skip rocks in the water. And looking at petroglyphs and pictographs and trying to teach you the difference between the two. And hiking down Jones Hole. And Fisher Towers. And Negro Bill Canyon. And looking at dinosaur footprints at Red Fleet State Park.
And thinking you were way to old for Bullfrogs and Butterflys. And, then being glad when you weren't.
I remember shooting you off my shoulders in the swimming pool, and that you were first to learn how to swim. I remember you always wanted to wear goggles. I remember that you were the only kid that the water backpack actually fit on. I remember that I was really gonna learn how to braid hair and use pretty bows and ponys, but I never did. I remember painting your fingernails. I remember when you first drank coffee.
I remember that blue/daisey bean bag chair and how the cat always peed on it. I remember when we got your hair cut short. And when we colored it. I remember Dawn helping you a lot with math and other school stuff. I remember how you were/are a GREAT daughter to Dawn - she couldn't ask for more. I remember how I wished you could be more like me, and now I wish that you could be less like me. And Im sure there is a lot that I forgot and can't remember.
And, I remember just how much I love you. I want the best for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment