Hi Ho it's Twinkie the Kid

Friday 10 February, 2012

Sometimes I feel like I've got Twinkie the Kid on my shoulder telling me what to eat. Check this out. I love eating at Chili's Grill & Bar. A typical meal there for me might be the original baby back ribs. Yum. I love them. They are served with french fries and I usually sub a corn cob for the baked apples.

But Twinkie the Kid doesn't stop there. Before that I usually enjoy a chips & queso appetizer. Yum. I love the chips & queso, and the salsa too, and when I really want to splurge, I might let Twinkie The Kid talk me into a chocolate chip paradise pie for dessert. Yum yum yum. Probably my favorite dessert in any restaurant. Plus I don't share very well, so mostly I eat it all by myself.

There's only two problems with any of that. First, it's enough food for three days for me, or it's enough food for at least five people for one meal. 4275 calories worth of food. Wow. Second, it's the wrong things for me to be eating. For me it's about seven days worth of carbohydrates (I try to stay between 60 - 100 carbs per day), or enough carbs for twenty-two people for one meal like I should be eating. 447 carbs. Not counting the ketchup for the fries. Wow. My blood glucose is rising and I'm getting fat just writing about this and Twinkie the Kid is sitting on my shoulder and laughing.

I want my baby backs baby backs baby backs baby backs

People are always telling me "it should be easy for you to lose weight or stay slim with all the riding you do." Sure. I don't let them know how I eat. Ride enough for one person but eat enough for three. At least three. They don't know about Twinkie the Kid. So I can sure stand to measure stuff so it can improve and consider my lifestyle instead of diet. I could absolutely stand to eat less. For sure. I usually do eat breakfast but I could certainly make it a more powerful breakfast. Of course I exercise because if I didn't I would probably weigh 280 pounds. Or more.

08:32 - Snick. Beep. 105 mg/dL still not under 100. I have taken the girls to school and my 3 year old talked me into a trip to Maverick. The wife is going to be upset when she reads this. Seems my 3 year old wanted a wienie wrap for breakfast. It was a quick conversation with him and me and Twinkie the Kid and an easy decision to say yes because I wanted one too but they only had one left so I got it for him and built myself a chili cheese dog with chipotle mayo and pico de gallo. To my credit I only have one here now. Not three like I normally get. Oh, and 5 units of NovoLog insulin. I'm trying to eat less. Unfortunately while I'm obeying Fitness Rule #3 I'm breaking:

Fitness Rule #6: Eat less crap.

Or I guess the rule could read: don't eat garbage. Or limit the garbage you eat. Remember that food is fuel for our bodies and that is all it is. The reality of the situation is that, just like with cars and planes and other things that run on fuel, our bodies run better on some fuels than it does on others. I want to encourage you to use the good stuff. You will live longer and be more fit and maintain the perfect weight for you much easier if you eat less crap - no matter what Twinkie the Kid says.

I would say a chili cheese dog from Maverick qualifies as crap. I don't think anyone would place it in the health food category. I'm not quite sure where it fits on the FDA's food pyramid or whatever schematic they are using now-a-days. I don't pay much attention to the government when they tell me what I should be eating because usually they are wrong. When I see their guidelines or the American Diabetes Association's guidance for diabetics, frankly, my eyes can't quite roll far enough back in my head. I wonder if Twinkie the Kid is running those outfits?

Over the years as the FDA has been changing what they tell us we should be eating. Unfortunately we have been listening and while we've been listening we have been getting fatter and fatter. More unhealthy too. Diabetes is running rampant now. Obesity is too along with heart disease and other chronic diseases. So if you want to be fat and unhealthy follow their Twinkie the Kid guidelines and other common myths that are out there about food and health. If you want to lose weight and be fit you can follow my advice instead.

13:56 - Snick. Beep. 107 mg/dL. Not bad after a chili cheese dog as big as my head. For lunch I'm going to obey Fitness Rule #6. I'm not going to eat crap. I have a big iceberg lettuce salad topped with one slice of provolone and some Italian dressing made with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. A portion of white rice is usually 1 cup. There's some left over rice so I portion out 1/4 cup and top that with the remaining 2 ounces of low-carb diabetic loaf of meat (diced up), 7 steamed and sliced baby carrots and 1/2 cup of mufaletta spread all heated up in a bowl. Twinkie the Kid must be taking a nap. That's a good lifestyle lunch and it tastes a lot like Cuban Picadillo due to the abundance of olives in the mufaletta spread. 33 carbs and 3 units of NovoLog insulin.

shop these aisles (80%)

Shop the outside aisles - Everything in this healthy lunch came from an outside aisle in the grocery store. Next time you're there, look at your basket. Where did you get your stuff from? What's going into your pantry? What is in your fridge and freezer? I like to apply the 80/20 rule at the grocery store, or when looking in the pantry, fridge or freezer. 80% of the stuff you have should come from an outside aisle in the grocery store. Limit yourself to 20% coming from the rest of the store. As a general rule, the rest of the store is crap. The rest of the store is twinkies. Garbage fuel.

boxed crap is crap not matter how it's marketed

You CAN judge a food by it's cover - How is the stuff you eat packaged? Did it come in a box? A wrapper? A can? Was it frozen? Really think about this. Don't be fooled by marketing. If it comes in a box it is probably garbage. If it comes in a wrapper (bread, cookies, twinkies, soup mix, etc.) it is probably garbage. Does it have a huge shelf life? Like a twinkie? Avoid it. Look at the labels on some of this stuff. Learn what a portion is and see what's in there. Can you pronounce the ingredients? How many different kinds of sugars are in there? Basically just try to avoid things that come in a box or wrapper or have a massive shelf life because as a general rule it is crap. Garbage fuel.

Eat this not that - Isn't there an app for that at restaurants? Eat this not that. It's interesting stuff and you can apply that kind of thinking to what you eat at home too. Do you have a choice between certified organic fresh green beans, fresh regular green beans, pickled green beans, fermented green beans, frozen green beans, canned green beans and dehydrated freeze dried green bean powder? Yes you do. Make the smart choice. On a separate note, is a food you're buying for home fortified? Don't you wonder why the company that packaged it or wrapped it had to fortify it? I do. Learn about your food so you're not eating crappy twinkie garbage fuel.

Fat is not the enemy - Your body needs dietary fat. It lubricates the joints and does other really healthy things in your body that can't be done without it. Fat doesn't necessarily make you fat. Eating more calories than you need is what makes you fat whether those calories come from fat, carbs or protein. There's good fat and bad fat and you should try to limit the bad fat because it can kill you but the good fat you need. Fat like eggs and avocados and fatty fish. Learn about fat and make sure you get enough of the healthy fat that your body has to have to function properly. Some kinds of fat are good for you and some kinds of fat is crappy twinkie garbage fuel.

not these aisles (20%)

Carbs are not the enemy - I know that's hard to believe coming from a type 1 diabetic. For me carbs are the enemy. For you they probably are not. Carbs don't necessarily make you fat. Eating more calories than you need is what makes you fat whether those calories come from fat, carbs or protein. Does that sound familiar? It should. As a general rule however, we eat WAY too many carbs and there's a reason for that. They taste good. Like twinkies. Carbs are our snacks most times. They're convenient. They fit in our hand. We can eat them in the car or on the couch. We eat crap and garbage out of boxes and bags and not just for snacks but for meals too.

You don't need as many carbs as the experts say you do - If your eating off the governments pyramid you're going to get fat. The pyramid is a carb fiesta designed by Twinkie the Kid. Bread, rice, whole grain this and that, fruits, potatoes, dairy and there's even a category for twinkies. You don't need all that crap. If you're a normal person you don't need more than 80 to 100 carbs per day. And if you can get that from vegetables you will be doing yourself a favor. Need fiber? Vegetables. Need vitamins? Vegetables. Need minerals? Vegetables. Need to loose weight? Vegetables.

the "experts" behind the food pyramid?

Carbs make your blood glucose go up quickly. Even if you don't have diabetes, carbs are going to spike your blood glucose. When that happens your pancreas will flood your blood stream with insulin, usually over reacting to the need. Your body can only use so many carbs at a time, plus it makes a lot of it's own glucose so you don't need more carbs than you actually need to make it from your food. Don't let Twinkie the Kid fool you. All that extra gets stored in your fat cells and those fat cells become bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger.

persuasive guy

If you're going to eat carbs - and you do need to eat some carbs - make them quality carbs that are doing good things for your health. Vegetables are carbs and carbs turn to glucose but the carbs in vegetables process much slower than carbs in crap and garbage and twinkies and other carbs that come in a wrapper or a box because carbs in vegetables come in cellulose and your digestive system needs that fiber to clean out toxins and waste and vegetable carbs won't spike your blood glucose nearly as much. Vegetables are good carbs. Most other carbs are crap twinkie garbage fuel.

Protein is not the enemy - Your body needs protein. It cannot live without it. Your body can make some amino acids itself but for some it has to get them from the protein you eat. I like to eat animals personally. So I eat a lot of animals. Protein doesn't necessarily make you fat. Eating more calories than you need is what makes you fat whether those calories come from fat, carbs or protein. Might as well eat good protein though. Things like fish and other seafood, chicken and other fowl, beef, pork and don't forget bacon. Bacon is the king of meat. Some things that aren't animals also have protein. Tofu. Soy. Beans. They're fine too and you should try to mix them in as well.



garbage can

Think about your body's fuel - Think about this stuff. Watch and see what your habits are the next time you go shopping or eat or think you need a snack. Pick the good stuff. Shop the outside isles. Remember the 80/20 rule about your food. You have choices, so make them. Don't let Twinkie the Kid make them for you. Make them good choices. If you're going to eat some crap, make it better crap. Spaghettios or whole grain pasta with homemade meat sauce? Let me put that another way: Sugar with sugar sauce (not even mystery meat) or Sugar with meat you picked out from the butcher and fresh vegetables that you grew in your back yard? One is better crap than the other crap. There is always a choice to make. Choose better crap.

Make choices that reduce calories - I'm not talking about using fat-free mayonnaise versus regular mayonnaise. I choose regular. I think it tastes better. I don't use reduced fat or fat free of low fat anything. I like real food thank you and if I'm going to eat some food I do want to enjoy it. I'm talking about things like choosing mustard over mayonnaise. The difference in calories and fat will astound you. Choosing salsa over ketchup. Choosing olive oil over lard. Choosing good fat over bad fat. Choosing to make my own guacamole with fresh avocados instead of buying it already made. Choosing homemade triple chocolate gingerbread cake over twinkies.

I'm also talking about choosing to reduce the amount of food. Most recipes can use about half the sugar or cheese or anything else that can be reduced to cut out some of the unnecessary calories. Choose to reduce and experiment with your recipes. Substitute this for that. Figure out what choices you can make that will keep you healthy while still enjoying the foods you like. A good example is bacon. I love bacon but I can choose not to eat the whole package at one time. I rarely make that choice but it is a choice I could make if Twinkie the Kid would let me.

Be stupid smart - If you're going to do stupid things, be smart about it. Snacks are a good example. If you really believe that you cannot possibly make it through the next hour or two until your next small plate peace sign meal and you have tried a glass of water and a chewable vitamin C and now you're sucking on a whole clove but you just won't make it - fine have a snack. Snack on some celery, or a string cheese or green or red pepper rings or baked kale chips or pickled cauliflower or some olives or pickles or a cucumber. Be stupid smart. If you're going to let Twinkie the Kid talk you into breaking the Fitness Rules, at least be smart about it.

15:23 - I fill my bidon with water after my wife gets home and I'm getting ready to get my new(er) bike upstairs and prepare for a ride. I get upstairs to round up my kit and start chatting with the wife for a bit. Twinkie the Kid points out the bed. The bed looks so comfortable. I decide to take a nap instead of going for a ride. No ride today. Twinkie the Kid and I will rest instead.

16:05 - I lay down at an angle across the bed on my stomach on top of the comforter. My wife says she's getting me up in an hour. I am off to sleep in a matter of moments.

18:02 - My wife's generous hour turns into two and now she's in here to wake us up. We're going out for dinner to Chili's Grill & Bar. She won a $25 gift card to Chili's today for her superstar performance at work and Twinkie the Kid must have been talking to her too. Um, no. Not Chili's. Not this week. Not now. We talk it over and decide on Sizzler. The steak and all-you-can-eat salad bar is on special at $9.99 and our 6 year old has a free kid's meal coupon for doing a good job of reading in Kindergarten. Sizzler it is. Twinkie the Kid and I get up and get ready.

18:52 - Snick. Beep. 92 mg/dL. Nice number. I pack my NovoLog insulin pen and a needle and we are off to the Sizzler. I sub broccoli for the friesorpotatosorricecarbs to go along with my 6 ounce sirloin. I start with a salad of mixed greens and spinach, onion, cabbage, and shredded carrots. Balsamic vinaigrette tops it off.

I feel like I'm on a roll. I ignored Twinkie the Kid as I safely navigated the free samples of cheesy garlic bread they were passing out at the entrance due to the long line and I feel like I have positively made up my mind that I'm not going to eat any of the bread based carb stuff available tonight. Twinkie the Kid and I wanted a baked potato with shovel fulls of butter and sour cream really really bad but I asked for broccoli instead. I'm going to try to eat less crap.

rare devil's food twinkie
...the one on my shoulder

When my steak and broccoli are gone and I've finished off my salad I think to myself that that is about the perfect amount of fullness and I should stop now. But I don't. Twinkie the Kid reminds me that there's just something about going to an all-you-can-place. At least for us. I feel like I've got to eat all I can eat. If I don't I would be letting the whole concept of all-you-can-eat down. So I hit the salad bar again.

My goal on this second trip is to eat less crap too. No nachos or pasta or pizza or rolls or heavily breaded chicken wings and even no mystery meatballs. I build a nice spinach salad with some red onions, carrot shreds and cabbage. This time I find some kidney beans and some cheese. I also round up a couple of fresh pepper rings, 2 cucumber slices and a few pieces of fajita chicken. I grab a soup bowl and fill it up with pickled cucumber salad. Last but not least, at Twinkie the Kid's insistence, I grab some "crab" salad.

I eat all of the spinach salad but leave a little of everything else and a lot of the "crab" salad in my effort to eat less. I wander over to the salad bar again in hopes of finding a ripe avocado. I inadvertently hit the jackpot and find two. While I'm there Twinkie the Kid talks me into grabbing a half bowl of clam chowder that we discovered on my last trip up here. Walking back, we take a look at the desert bar and I know right then that I'm going to be back up here again tonight. One more time.

I do go back and mustering all the moderation I can, I lay a brownie corner in a bowl. I squirt a little bit of ice cream on there and top it with a little bit of sugary strawberry juice and even a few slivers of strawberries. A big little drizzle of chocolate syrup and I'm back at the table sitting down to dessert. When I'm done eating it, Twinkie the Kid points out how small it seemed compared to what dessert usually means for me. Eating less crap is hard work.

I want to stop. I try to stop but instead I make it up to the buffet one more time. I go grab a couple of slices of fresh pineapple and a slice of cantaloupe. Walking away I decide on a little sprig of red grapes too. This should do it. Right? Hopefully the family will be ready to go soon or I might end up over doing it. I have injected 8 units of NovoLog insulin in anticipation of eating about half of what I end up eating and while I didn't eat less I feel like my blood glucose will be OK(ish) because I did eat less crap.

23:50 - Snick. Beep. I'm curious. I don't normally check my serum glucose this time of night but tonight I'm curious. 120 mg/dL. Not normal but not bad considering that my stomach left dinner pretty darn full. Twinkie the Kid wants some popcorn tonight but there will be no popcorn tonight as I inject my 15 units of Lantis insulin. I'm going to bed and sleep off the collateral damage from fighting the battle of the law of large numbers at dinner. Tomorrow's a new day. Hopefully I can not only eat less crap but eat less too. And maybe exercise a bit instead of a nap. Twinkie the Kid smiles. Hi Ho! Yep tomorrow's a new day pardner.